I sometimes hear from people about their frustrations with the spiritual path. There are many issues that come up but what seems most significant is the sense that one isn’t getting anywhere or that the goal of peace, freedom or awakening is something distant, far off or unattainable. There is a special kind of frustration for people that follow a similar approach as that which is shared on this site. They hear that freedom, peace and joy is what they truly are at the core of their being right this very moment and yet for many it isn’t their experience even though they may have been on the spiritual path for many years. This kind of frustration is understandable and should not be ignored or taken lightly because it points to something as well as offering an opportunity.
A point of intense frustration with the spiritual path or spiritual practice is something many people experience and can be a turning point. The opportunity that lies within it asks for an honest evaluation of priorities, practices and what place the quest for freedom has in our lives. One message I’ve gotten whether it be from the eastern or western path is that essentially we get what we want from life. When it feels otherwise, often its because either we aren’t being honest with ourselves about our priorities or how we are going about meeting those priorities is in some way misguided. In addition there is also the process of self sabotage where parts of us appear to work against what we want. To say we get what we want really means we get what we give the majority of our attention and energy to. What we really want isn’t reflected by what we say but by what we pay attention to. If we say that we want to be free, we want to awaken and realize the true nature of our being the question is do we really give that priority in our lives? Does our true nature receive the balance of our attention?
“You are what your deep driving desire is. As your desire is so is your will. As your will is so is your deed. As your deed is so is your destiny” ~ Brihadaranyaka Upanishad
As is implied in the quote above from one of the principle Upanishads our deepest heartfelt desire is what directs our destiny in the realm of the manifest world. If I say that I want to awaken and be free those words have no power to wake me up unless this is truly my strongest most prominent desire. If it is it will also make awakening the highest priority in my life, superseding all other considerations. In so many I speak to even though they say they desire freedom and peace and to know themselves their time and energy still goes for the most part to worldly desires such as relationships, career and recreation. In the west people lead such busy lives and you hear people say they have very little time for spiritual practice. There is maybe a few minutes to meditate in the morning and in the evening, an occasional retreat or workshop, a group gathering for the full moon and going to a dharma talk once a week. The rest of the time is spent in the pursuit of things which are driven by other desires and which fuel those other desires. There is nothing wrong with any of these things and if you are happy with your pursuits in this area this is wonderful.
When we set our sights on complete awakening however it is important to remember we are confronting ages of conditioning and incredibly powerful forces committed to maintaining the illusion of separateness, fear and struggle. To overcome that kind of obstacle is the greatest challenge a human being will ever face as well as the birthright and inevitable outcome of human evolution. However if we have decided to awaken to the truth of ourselves we need to acknowledge the challenge and understand the kind of commitment required to meet it. Spiritual practice as a hobby or something to fit into our busy lives while very good in the beginning is never going to get us there. At some point we must tip the balance so that our focus becomes primarily directed toward our heart, our inner being and the here and now reality.
This is not in any way to suggest we necessarily must give up our jobs, families and activities. For some this is necessary while for others it is not. However all of these things must be woven into the primary desire for freedom. When this happens what used to be spiritual practice we might do for an hour or so a day becomes how we approach life at all times. When your spiritual practice is all the time what can keep you from your goal? Every activity from sending our emails to putting the kids to bed to mowing the lawn is awakening if while we engage that activity we know who we are. Do we engage our activities as a separate human personality who either likes it or dislikes it? Two things allow all activities to help us awaken. One is keeping our attention focused on the feeling of presence while we act so we get a sense that as we act it is life acting through us rather than an imaginary personal ego. This is aided by asking the question internally, who does this action? Who is changing these diapers, who is driving to work, who is arguing with my partner? If you haven’t done this before the mind will likely respond by saying – I am doing it, its me, who else? This leads to the key question of self enquiry, who am I, who is this me? Which brings us to a state of presence in the here and now because thats where the visceral feeling sense of I resides. When I is seen in its pure form and not connected to anything else it reveals its true nature.
If we truly want to be free and not dragged here and there and up and down by the mind and its selfish never ending desires then there must come a point where the desire for freedom takes precedence over all others. A point where it permeates all activities and acts as the guiding force for our life. That desire for freedom is a direct reflecting of what is sought on the path and it is the beacon leading us home. But when we see the beacon we must be willing to keep moving toward it until we reach the goal, we must allow it to guide us or we just move in circles allowing the mind to play games with us. The beacon of freedom is just trying to lead our chaotic attention to the closet destination possible, Here Now. Once we settle down here and decide to call it home its time to celebrate freedom and the peace which has always been. To enjoy life as life.
